Flipswitch

Hey all, it’s Ryan! I hope all is going well and this week finds you in good cheer. In this edition of my blog I want to expand on the comment I left under Gopi’s blog entitled, “Why We Tend To Avoid Telling Our Parents Things.”

Gopi made the interesting point of referring to her parents as her “social support system” and by opening her feelings up to them it has become easier to talk about her feelings. This is a very good thing, we all need to talk about our feelings good, bad, or ugly because, as we have addressed on our show, feelings affect your stress levels and consequently your health. But the question I want to address is why it has taken so long, and why, as Gopi pointed out, 100% of our High School and College roundtables avoid telling their parents, their friends, or in general their “social support system.”

We have discussed the worry/fear factor that plays into this scenario. We don’t want to let our parents down and we don’t want them to worry about us non-stop, but I want to offer an addition to this idea, and one other factor that I don’t think we have hit on too much.

First the addition, this is only speculation and could probably use some discussion; however what if we are scared to tell the ones we love what is going on in our lives not because we think they will worry too much, but because we fear they won’t have an answer. When you go to someone for help you are expecting some sort of relief, an answer to why something is happening or why you are feeling a certain way, but what feelings will you experience if you go to someone and they can’t provide that. It’s a scary situation to face, but if you think about it letting them know gives you someone in your corner to help you battle through your struggles even if all they can provide is moral support and love.

Secondly, I believe another looming factor for why we are extremely hesitant to express our feelings is trust. Your feelings are at your core, and putting them out in the open allowing someone access to them makes you very vulnerable; can you trust someone to help you and not use the way your feeling to hurt you? This is tough even when it comes to the closet people in our lives. For Gopi and myself that tends to be our parents, for any number of you it might be the same, but for many others it turns out to be their grandparents, friends, etc.

What I have learned though, and it seems to be the same for Gopi, is that the first really personal thing you share with these people is hardest thing to share, because you do not know how they will respond. After that though, it becomes easier because the trust starts to build if they have helped you and not hurt you. And if in your gut, deep down you honestly believe that they love you and care about you, it’s probably a good bet they will help you. It’s not easy, and the words never come out how you want them to. Often times you end up crying your eyes out, but its all for the good.

The hard part is that you have to risk the chance they might hurt you, but like I said if deep down you believe they love you and care about you the risk is probably very minimal and the reward much greater!

Until next time, Ryan