Emily On Knowing When To Say No
Apr 9th, 2009 by depressedteens
Hey everyone,
It’s Emily here. I haven’t really been up to much lately–mostly, I’ve just been trying to get back into the swing of things with school since break ended this week. Teachers have been giving us no mercy, despite the fact that we’re seniors, but life isn’t fair.
What’s really been bothering me lately (well, mostly just today) is the fact that I have trouble telling people when enough is enough in regards to academics. I’m sure you know the situation. A teacher assigns a project and then assigns you to a group. And of course, you are the one stuck doing the entire project yourself. This has happened to me twice in one class already and I am really sick of it. It may be my fault because I am generally the only person in the group who cares about the grade and therefore doesn’t trust anyone, but usually my group takes advantage of me so I will do the entire thing myself.
So my advice to myself and everyone else is…don’t be afraid to tell people no. One of the worst things that happens is getting taken advantage of, whether this is in a big way or small. Getting taken advantage of always puts me in a bad mood and then this causes problems between me and my friends because I would end up taking it out on them. Always do what you’re comfortable with–and this is something I have to work on too. I guess there is just something about some of us…we have this certain need to please everyone else even if it affects negatively.
Hope this wasn’t that much of a downer! Have a good week!
–Emily
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Emily,
It’s Chris. It’s interesting that you talked about getting taken advantage of in your post. The one thing that keep recurring in our round tables is this fear of being taken advantage of or having thing get out of one’s control if a mood disorder is revealed. How do you think your situation in group tasks is related? And what do you think would likely happen if you really were to say “no”?
On the one hand, you could take the lower grade, knowing you’re a senior and already accepted to college. But people that set high markers of achievement for themselves (which I happen to know you do) simply can’t abide a low grade (which I think is actually a good thing). On the other hand, you’re saying “no” might stand down the group to pull more weight, but there is certainly no guarantee there. In a person that values achievement, that uncertainty can be quite literally painful to endure. It makes it less and less likely that the person might say “no”.
What are your thoughts?